gathered attention and plugging the leaks

I was in a class recently and the teacher asked us to draw a picture of attention. I drew a sun with big sunbeams radiating out. I was initially surprised to see how positive my association with attention is (I've historically had a lot of fear of being "too big for my britches" or getting too much attention or taking up too much space). 

But I think this shift is because of my spiritual/meditation practices where attention is sacred. And one the primary aims is to gather conscious attention so that we can taste a deeper selfhood, one that lives beyond preferences and personality...and begin to live from there, 

And what helps us gather and collect our attention?

Plugging the psychic and energetic leaks. Noticing what scrambles and distracts us or floods us. Noticing the endless push/pulls we are engaging in (these are very big leaks!). Noticing what puts us on auto-pilot. Noticing what drags us down or fragments us. 

I like to visualize my body as having a ceramic outer layer and I am putting the perfect-sized piece of cork into each of these "leaks." 

And then I say "I am here." Gathered. Collected. Alive. Able to respond. Able to be of service. (And of course this is an ongoing process of forgetting and remembering, forgetting and remembering.)

Does this speak to you? If so, what energetic leaks can you plug today? I really would love to hear. 

With care,
Brianna

Photo by Erol Ahmed.

Go forward like water

When I quit my job as editor-in-chief of the literary magazine I had dreamed up and led for 14 years, I was feeling pretty burnt out and cynical about the whole writing/reading thing.

And actually, I think I took a break from reading anything for awhile. I watched a lot of TV and movies and listened to podcasts.  

But I was also starting to write more poetry and thankgod I found Tony Hoagland. 

His poems are narrative and hilarious and self-deprecating and wise and kind, and he reminded me of what I loved about reading and writing, which I won't even bother to try and put into a phrase here because it wouldn't be accurate. But I can say that its essence is in Tony Hoagland's poetry. 

Tony had cancer and died on Oct. 23, 2018. 

And when I was going through a particularly dark time a few years ago, I got a nudge to print out a picture of Tony and to ask for help. 

I happen to believe that cosmic assistance is available to us all from realms beyond ours, and that the saints and awakened ones are able to help.

Tony is one of the saints or awakened one I celebrate and honor and I have felt his trickster energy and his deep compassion supporting me in my own life. 

Today is his feast day so I wanted to share one of his kind trickster poems, "Distant Regard." 

May we go forward like water, 
Brianna

P.S. And the image above is a photo of my little feast-day celebration for Tony. (And here's the full "No Thank You" poem, which is also very good.)

hunting for your glasses when they're on your head...and other searches

Awhile ago I was looking in a book for a line I needed to hear again and had forgotten. And in the age of instant internet searches, I find that I am a lot more impatient with slowly flipping and scanning and flipping and scanning. 

I could have sworn I had underlined the line, but I still couldn't find it and I gave up. 

Last night I happened to pick up that book again and happened to read the page with that line and it made me so happy but it also didn't seem nearly as mind-blowing. Ha. Just simple and true. 

Here's the line: "I trust you. No matter what happens, you can take care of yourself." 

And I had underlined it. Apparently this is a simple truth that my heart both knows and sometimes forgets and sometimes hides and sometimes finds.

Because sometimes, to borrow from Rumi, I am wandering from room to room, hunting for the diamond necklace that is already around my neck. 

In case you're having one of those days (or weeks or months or years) where you're hunting too: the line of words and the necklace are right here. 

I trust you. No matter what happens, you can take care of yourself.

Sending love your way,
Brianna

P.S. Wanna practice trusting?  I'm here for it. 

evidence list

At any given time I have a to-do list. I like to-do lists because it helps me to get things down on paper so that my mind doesn't have to worry about forgetting.

But sometimes my to-do list can feel overwhelming and heavy. 

I was telling a friend this the other day and she said she also keeps an "evidence list"—it's her list of all the goodness and little miracles unfolding in her life. She said it feels good to write it down and then she looks back at it when she needs "proof" that things are gonna be okay. 

I love this idea!

Especially for those of us inclined to keep a list of all that needs to be done, why not also keep a list of all the good that has already been "done."

I've been trying it and I like it!

Here are a couple recent entries on my evidence list: 
I made these muffins (they were good!) 
I watched a youtube video and learned how to unclog the garbage disposal and it worked (this felt like a miracle!)
My daughter and I had a little "birthday party" for our chihuahua and had some friends over to celebrate. It was such silly fun. 

If you struggle with your to-do list and this speaks to you, try making an "evidence list" of all the goodness and little moments of miracles unfolding in your life. 

And tell me how it goes—I'd love to hear! Or if you already do this kind of thing, I'd love to hear some of your recent entries. 

With care,
Brianna

p.s. photo above is the birthday boy...ha!

waiting and annoyed

Do you ever feel like you're just waiting to step into life? Hoping there will be a specific moment where something clicks, when the pain of remaining the same will be greater than the fear of change?

In my own experience, I have to become very annoyed with myself and all my waiting and repeating, with telling the same story over and over.

It feels like stubbing my toe on the same chair leg again and again and again. Until...move the chair! Or change where I’m walking!

But I'm so grateful for annoyance because it has given me the inner oomph to make really big and scary changes. 

What about you? I'd love to hear what it takes for you! 

And a poem by Linda Pastan from her book Waiting for My Life.

With care,
Brianna

P.S. Want help making a change? This is what coaching is all about, and I'm here. 

top photo by Alexey Demidov

the myth of starting over

When I started coaching in 2021, I thought it would be completely separate from my 15+ years of working in editing/publishing. I thought I was starting over. 

I wanted to continue freelance editing in addition to life coaching, but I thought they would be two very different businesses. 

I'm sure you can see where this is heading...I was wrong!

Coaching clients want support around the topic of writing blocks/procrastination or making a friendlier writing practice or putting their work into the world. 

And editing clients hire me to work on their books about relationships, codependency, emotional neglect, mindfulness, and religious trauma. (All topics I work with in life coaching!) 

I was shocked. So much overlap. 

I'm learning that starting over—whether in a career or in relationships or after a move—doesn't mean we start at zero or that we "wasted so much time." This is black and white thinking. And this fear of "zero" can actually keep us from making necessary changes.  

But what if nothing is wasted? 

That's where I'm at today. And I'm so glad I was proven wrong! :) 

With care,
Brianna

P.S. If you're "starting over" in some area of your life and want support, coaching can really help. 
P.P.S. And if you're interested in my editing work, find more info here. 

Photo by Andre Hunter.

squinty old eye

I'm listening to Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes' series The Dangerous Old Woman: Myths and Stories of the Wise Woman Archetype. (If you have a library card and use Hoopla, you can also find this series there.)

In it she discusses the archetype of the vampire/predator, which she says can exist in us as a part of our psyche and outside of us in the form of other people, ideas, institutions, etc.

And our work is to be like the wise old woman who is openhearted but also squints her eye and can spot this archetype a mile away. Telling it like it is. Following our own correct intuitions. Knowing that how something begins is often how it ends, meaning that if we have doubts and uncertainties at the beginning but push those away, it is to our own detriment. 

This idea of aiming to become more like the wise old woman—bold and direct and trusting of our instincts is giving me so much life these days. Dr. Estes also says this is something we must begin to teach our younger ones and also the child spirit inside us, the part of us that is more likely to be deceived or put to sleep or give it's life-force away. 

And by the way, if this feels challenging, remember that this kind of directness and self-trust is not encouraged in our wider culture, which wants us to stay naïve, asleep, agreeable, and trusting of others over ourselves.

So it takes practice. And a sense of humor about the bumps in the road.  

Here's to getting lots of practice seeing clearly with our old squinty eye,
Brianna

P.S. If you want a co-conspirator in your journey toward being direct, seeing clearly, and trusting yourself, I'm here for it!

word of mouth

”Finally I am coming to the conclusion that my highest ambition is to be what I already am….For it is the unaccepted self that stands in my way—and will continue to do so as long as it is not accepted. When it has been accepted—it is my own stepping stone to what is above me.”
—Thomas Merton, from A Search for Solitude: The Journals of Thomas Merton, October 2, 1958

I love these lines from Merton’s journal and the paradox he highlights—that in the act of fully accepting ourselves we discover an even deeper and wider self…and begin to live from there.

What would it look like for you to practice being what you already are?

For me right now, I'm thinking about it in terms of building my coaching practice (I’m taking new clients!) and accepting the way I want to do things.

I've definitely considered getting back on social media or trying some new platform or marketing plan, and each time I've looked into it, it just falls flat for me. 

I am drawn to doing things the old-fashioned way—with word-of-mouth and asking for referrals and sending a newsletter out.

I printed out business cards and I've been telling people about what I do and that I’m taking new clients. And then I’m asking if they know anyone who might be interested.

Revolutionary, right?!

I'm excited to see how it unfolds, and in the meantime, I'm enjoying the invitation to be what I am, even in the way I share my work (otherwise known as marketing). 

With care,
Brianna

Photo from Better Things (Sam Fox definitely does word of mouth! ).

I learned this lesson late

I've been thinking about what it means to live in your own power—not power over anyone else or under anyone else, but your own inner power. 

And I like addiction counselor Pia Mellody's idea that power comes from self-control and living in action rather than reaction to other people and circumstances.  

It sounds so obvious!

When we are living in reaction, we are frightened and scrambled. When we practice holding a sturdy and stable presence, we can move and act with clarity. This is inner power.  

But when you've been a people-pleaser, reacting to others is kinda your default. 

It's a big learning curve. At least it has been for me. 

The good news is that it just feels so much better to live attuned to this inner power. So as soon as you start to taste what it feels like to live from this deeper place, it gets easier. 

With care,
Brianna

P.S. And an except from Linda Pastan's poem "The One-Way Mirror Back." (And thanks to Tonia Peckover's lovely newsletter for introducing me to Linda Pastan and so many other good things.)

Photo by Mason C

marking + honoring transitions

When my kids and I moved this year, it could have just been a time of stress and exhaustion and to-do lists.

But thankfully I also had a house blessing with friends to honor the transition and to honor our family home. We sang and walked through the home and lit candles and laughed. 

When my divorce process was finalized with a 10-minute zoom hearing, if I was looking for some kind of deeper closure from the legal system I would have been really disappointed!

Thankfully, I made a ceremony to mark this life-changing moment—to honor the marriage and the ending of the marriage. And it was so life-giving and life-healing. 

When I had a client who had a complicated relationship with her father and wanted to shift the energy around sending her dad monthly financial support, we dreamed up a little ceremony for doing just that. And now she does this each month before hitting send. 

I care deeply about honoring milestones and transitions and seeing the sacred in them.

Which is why I offer a coaching session for crafting milestone rituals/ceremonies.

Because ritual allows our bodies and spirits to bond to meaning.

And because the wider culture doesn’t have a way to recognize so many of the life-transitions we experience (only the transitions that affirm our culture’s values), which means our bodies and our spirits are left hanging. 

I think ritual/ceremony can help with this—from divorce and miscarriage and health changes to house blessings and vocation changes and empty-nest transitions and sobriety celebrations. 

Here’s how it works:

I’ll send you some questions/exercises for pre-work, and then we’ll meet on zoom for a 90-minute coaching session to dream up your ritual/ceremony. We’ll make sure you have everything you need to allow your body and spirit to bond to meaning, and then we can practice the ritual together at the end of our session or you can save it for the right time. You can sign up here.

With gratitude,
Brianna

Photo by Sidharth Bhatia

summer angst

Every summer I spend a week or two struggling with the season of summer. I usually feel like I'm not having enough fun or not traveling enough or not relaxing enough...just generally not doing it right.

Yep. Good times. :) 

And then I quickly think this struggle is something I need to fix about myself, get rid of. 

But Rumi writes: “Your anxiety comes from your search for tranquility. Accept chaos and peace will surely follow.” 

Yes. 

Struggle and even chaos are legitimate parts of our existence and not signals that we're doing it "wrong."

Our path isn't about eliminating the struggle. It's about the alchemy that happens when we consciously respond to the struggle, perhaps with kindness and even acceptance. 

More of this, please, this summer,
Brianna

P.S. Want support around consciously responding to life's struggles? I'm here. 

Photo by Robert Bye @robertbye

money

For the last couple years I've been trying to re-examine my views on money (I used to think it was just a necessary evil). 

I've been reading both practical books about budgeting and financial planning and also more conceptual books about gender roles and racism and money and consumerism, but my favorite so far has been The Soul of Money. 

The author Lynn Twist was a professional fundraiser for large nonprofits. And I love her perspectives on the myth of scarcity and the idea of "enough."

She points out that the myth of scarcity and it's three parts—that there's not enough to go around, more is better, and this is just the way it is—are ingrained in us from the beginning. Twist gives the example of the childhood game of musical chairs, where we literally teach children the idea that resources are scarce and to grab what they can in order to win! 

But what if there is enough? 

Twist writes, "When we let go of the chase for more, and consciously examine and experience the resources we already have, we discover our resources are deeper than we knew or imagined."

This kind of paradox—that when we focus on what we already have with gratitude, what we already have is expansive—rings very true to me. 

A conscious attention of gratitude is the medicine for scarcity. And it's helped me change both my practical approaches and my heart/mindset toward money. 

What do you think? Do you have a favorite book or resource on money? I'd love to hear! 

With care,
Brianna

P.S. Are you re-examining your views on big life topics like money or god or your relationships or meaning/purpose? If you want support in this process, I'm here!

P.P.S. And a little more food for thought from one of my spiritual teachers, Cynthia Bourgeault, on the power of gratitude: "It’s easy to be grateful when something good has been done for you, but have you ever thought about gratitude not as a response but as a force in its own right; an initiating and healing energy that is not dependent on external circumstances but is rather an innate power of the human soul? When understood and wielded in this fashion, it has the power to liberate us from our self-imposed prisons of self-pity and envy and to actually change the energy fields (and hence, the outcome) of our circumstances."

Photo via Unsplash: Dylan Hunter @dylhunter