so nature's wastefulness seems quietly obscene

I like writing poems in conversation with other poems.

I was trying to write about life's baffling wastefulness (and being wasteful with my own life and longings) when I found a poem by Tony Hoagland called "A Color of the Sky" from his book What Narcissism Means to Me.

Tony's poem helped me to write my own and I decided to make this process a part of the actual poem...

What about you? Do you like to write in conversation with other writers or want to give it a try? Are you thinking about life's baffling wastefulness?  

With care,
Brianna

Fall Triduum

In a few days I'll be "keeping" the three days of Halloween, All Saints Day, and All Souls Day as a sacred passage and a thin space (Oct 31, Nov 1, and Nov 2nd). 

I bring out photos of ancestors and beloved ones (and beloved pets!) who have passed, and this year I have a few more to add because my circle of beloveds has grown. I also bring out photos of saints and awakened ones. I put them all on a table in my kitchen, where they get lots of gathered attention over the three days and remind me of the inner work before me.

And it's a reciprocal exchange of energies—I give attention and I also receive deep nourishment and assistance from my ancestors and saints and awakened ones. So much help is available to us, and the conscious work that we do and that we offer up on behalf of the whole matters. 

In the christian wisdom tradition, Cynthia Bourgeault calls these three days the "Fall Triduum," and she says that the intention of this passage is to "taste that in ourselves which already lies beyond death in order that we might begin to live from that place now."

Cynthia writes: "The days are shortening, the leaves are fallen, and the earth draws once again into itself. Everything in the natural world confronts us with reminders of our own mortality….In the quiet, brown time of the year, these fall Triduum days are an invitation to do the profound inner work: to face our shadows and deep fears (death being for most people the scariest of all), to taste that in ourselves which already lies beyond death, drink at its fountain, and then to move back into our lives again, both humbled and steadied." (You can read her longer description of the Fall Triduum here.)

However you mark the turning of these days, may you be well and may you find space to remember the mystery of death and those who have gone before us. 

With much care,
Brianna

the creative cost of over-responsibility for others

“Many of us find that we have squandered our own creative energies by investing disproportionately in the lives, hopes, dreams, and plans of others. Their lives have obscured and detoured our own. As we consolidate a core through our withdrawal process, we become more able to articulate our own boundaries, dreams, and authentic goals. Our personal flexibility increases while our malleability to the whims of others decreases. We experience a heightened sense of autonomy and possibility.” —Julia Cameron

Whewwww.

I remember reading those lines many years ago in Cameron's The Artist's Way and being stopped in my tracks. At that point I don't think I'd ever made the connection between my exaggerated sense of responsibility for others and what that cost me creatively.

But Julia lays out the price really clearly. And it sounds like she knows this truth from personal experience, as do I. 

And yes, it is a detox or "withdrawal" process. And I've found there's also a lot of grieving to do about what we've given away. 

And yes, as we consolidate a core, we begin to foster a sturdier sense of who we are and what we're about, which, I think, is a prerequisite for our creative work (and one that so many of us skip over). 

And yes, "our personal flexibility increases while our malleability to the whims of others decreases." Addiction specialist Pia Mellody says this is how we experience "functional power" aka "living in action rather than reaction to other people."

Have you experienced the correlation between over-responsibility for others and what that costs you creatively? What's it been like to withdraw and consolidate your core?

With care,
Brianna

photo by @gervele

finding our teachers via bafflement + fascination

As I’ve shared here in the past, I’ve been re-examining my relationship with money. A couple years ago I read the book It’s Not Your Money by Tosha Silver.

I read a lot of psycho-spiritual books and I'm an editor for these kinds of books, too. So, usually I'm pretty good at synthesizing the concepts and finding my key takeaways. With Tosha's book, I was really into it but I could not hold onto what I was reading. 

I remember trying to tell a friend about the book (this is one of my favorite hobbies—and bless my dear friends for listening to my book reports!), and I literally drew a blank. All I could tell them was that I was fascinated by the book and really drawn to it. My friend commented on how odd it was that I couldn't tell her anything more specific and I agreed! 

But I just kept plugging away and I've re-read It's Not Your Money three or four more times since.

And I think it's finally starting to sink in! Ha. I'm completely smitten with the process of offering and receiving/giving that Tosha teaches in her book. 

But zooming out more, I know I've also had this kind of bewildering/powerful experience over the years with other teachers/lessons/books—I'm really drawn to something...and it completely baffles me.

I've learned to trust this feeling and now see it as one of the mystical breadcrumbs I follow to bring me to the books I need to study or the teachers I need to find. 

What do you think? Has this simultaneous attraction/confusion ever happened with you and a book or teacher?  

With care,
Brianna

photo by @alexmoliski

ebb and flow

I've been integrating a lot of new change and growth over here and am feeling pretty quiet these days on the newsletter/blog front (and thankgod I've learned to trust these rhythms and the ebb and flow).

But I wanted to share a few links and updates with you!

First off, a new teaching from Cynthia Bourgeault on ten practical guidelines for conscious aging. 

This song by Fiona Apple and Iron and Wine. 

The lost art of making plans (I found this via Anne Helen Peterson's very good newsletter)

I'm forever trying to figure out how to take care of a home and all the things in it. Your House Machine and "systems thinking" has been helpful. 

Reading If you lived here I'd know your name and really enjoyed Sure, I'll Join Your Cult

Just made this zucchini bread—don't skip the turbanado sugar on top (or add more than it calls for, like me) and enjoy a very good crust. 

With lots of care,
Brianna

P.S. We got two kittens—and now I wish we had named them ebb and flow! :)

it's true!

During the training I attended last week with Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés (it was incredible!) she said something that really shifted an old belief for me. 

Many of the students were asking similar questions around how to heal these kinds of thoughts:
I feel like I'm too intense, too sensitive, etc
My presence doesn't matter (this is my old belief)
I'm not enough
and also I'm too much

And Dr. Estés noted the pattern of all these thoughts and then she said she wanted to share something important. She paused and cleared her throat and then she said:
It's true!

The room was silent and you could feel the shock and surprise coming from the students.

She continued
It's true. You are too intense...for some people. 
It's true. Your presence doesn't matter...to some people. 
Yep, it's true. You aren't enough...for some people. 
It's true. You're too much...for some people. 

And then she said
Those are not your people.
Leave.
And go toward those who have good will for you. 

Whew. It was so powerful and I keep thinking about the energetic shift when she said yep, it's true. 

I actually felt my shoulders drop with relief and I could feel a similar shift in the people sitting around me. 

I think so many of us have only ever tried to resist/change these kinds of thoughts and beliefs. We "fight" them with positive affirmations of you are enough! and replies about how that just isn't true, etc. 

But what a shift when we stop fighting (and gaslighting ourselves) and turn and say it's true! And honor the part that knows it's been true in the past for us around certain key people in our lives.

For me, my old belief softened. 

And then I loved her phrase of "go toward those who have good will for you."

To them, you are not too much.

What do you think? I'd love to hear. 

With care,
Brianna

Photo by Aziz Acharki

trust and criticism

Lately I've been coaching a number of creative clients who are dreaming of taking their work or business to the next level but are struggling to trust themselves and envision the way forward. 

And what I keep hearing is fear in the form of self-criticism:

I always have too many balls in the air...
I'll never figure out the tech/logistics/money stuff…
I won't get it right...
I just need to "get it together" and work harder...
It's not ready to share or I'm not ready to take the leap (yet "ready" never seems to come)

And what seems to be really soothing the self-criticism is this cluster of questions centered on trust: 

What if you're not doing anything wrong? (aka you are not a problem to be solved)
What if opportunities flow even more easily when you trust yourself and your longings?
What if it could be this straightforward/easy/simple? 

And the good news is that you don't have to wait until your circumstances feel more trustworthy to begin working with this trust energy. 

In her course on rebuilding trust one of my spiritual teachers Cynthia Bourgeault says this: "To our usual psychological way of looking at things, trust must be earned; it is called forth in response to demonstrated trustworthiness. But there is another way of approaching trust, which has always been the way of the great saints and mystics. From this other angle of approach, trust is not earned so much as bestowed—from a fathomless strength and freedom which lies latent in every human soul, flowing like a wellspring from the heart of God. Anchored in strength rather than gullibility, and impervious to manipulation, this trust is itself a transformative force, flowing into a broken world to bring courage, healing, and reconnection." 

What do you think about this approach? Are you also working with the theme of trust in your life? If you want support around this work, I'm here.

With care,
Brianna

P.S. I'm headed to a training this coming week with the brilliant Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés (!!!), and I can't wait. I'll be sure to keep you all posted on whatever emerges. 

Photo by Naoki Suzuki

self-love and the initiating power of committing

I'm new to the dating world and so I've been trying to read and learn more about this whole process and I kept hearing about the book Calling in The One. The title is so cheesy and so I was a little skeptical, but when I moved past the title and started reading it, and I've found a lot of wisdom in it.

I wanted to share these lines on self-love: 
"I discovered that true self-love is not an emotion, but a steadfast devotion to realizing one's potentials. A fidelity to the promise of a bright and brilliant future that looks nothing like the wreckage of your past, and a willingness to generate this possibility, over and over again, no matter what. It's dedication to becoming resilient and unstoppable in the direction of your dreams. It's the tireless efforts to create a sense of safety, well-being, and happiness in your life."

I so appreciate this idea that self-love is a deep commitment to your well-being. It makes me tear up just thinking about offering this level of devotion to myself and my dreams, and I like that she says it's not based on emotions but more on tangible and steady actions.

And Katherine goes on to point out how many of us have never made this profound commitment to ourselves and how it's long overdue, especially if we hope to share this kind of commitment with another person. 

What do you think? Does this ring true to you? I'd love to hear. 

With care,
Brianna

P.S. And Goethe on the initiating power of committing: "Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.” 

photo by @gonchifacello

Being a slow and patient creator

I've been submitting my poetry manuscript to a lot of poetry publishers and I just keep collecting rejection letters. If you're in the process of submitting your work—whew, solidarity!!  

And I'm trying to practice what I tell my editing clients: to remember that this is part of the process and that I don't have to extrapolate and make it mean something terrible. And that I have choices! I may end up self-publishing, for example.

And I've been needing some stories of fellow pilgrims on this journey.

I went back to Spencer Reece's memoir The Secret Gospel of Mark (such a good book about queerness, addiction and recovery, the contemplative Christian path, and all held together by poetry!). Reece's first poetry book was turned down for fifteen years until it found a publishing home—selected by Louise Glück, no less! I loved reading about his patience and faithfulness to his vision and his slow pace. He calls himself a "slow creator" and talks about how his books are decades in the making. 

I've realized during this process that I'm not in a huge hurry and I don't need to publish my book in order to prove myself or my ideas. I actually already genuinely like myself and genuinely like this book!! This might seem like an obvious starting point for most, but for someone who has struggled with a lot of self-doubt, it really is a big shift and offers me a lot of freedom. 

But I also think it makes me a little less "hungry" to get my book published, and we don't have very many examples of people softly and patiently doing the thing they want to do. It's usually all about being hungry, driven, going "all-out."  

So I'm out here look for more examples of people doing what they long to do, but in a softer way. Do you have any recommendations for me—films, shows, books, music?  I'd really love to hear. 

With care,
Brianna

P.S. Spencer Reece's poem "The Clerk's Tale" about his day job as the assistant manager at Brooks Brothers at the Mall of America

Image by @dcbelanger

nourishing song

When I was a student with the Center for Action and Contemplation's Living School, one of the highlights was a week-long retreat in Albuquerque with Fr. Richard Rohr and a group of fellow students.

During that week we sang and danced to devotional music across many mystical and spiritual traditions. My favorite song was the Hindu devotional song "Om Shivay Hari Om Shivay" sung by the famous musician Jagjit Singh.

It feels like it's carrying a special kind of energetic medicine for our world right now, and I listen to it and dance to it often because it's so nourishing. 

Do you have any songs that feel like this for you right now? I'd love to hear. 

With care,
Brianna

P.S. And a powerful devotional chant from Quaker musician Paulette Meier about containing yourself within and trusting your inner light and not being scrambled/pulled in all the directions. 

Photo by Visual Karsa.

can you receive compliments?

I've been gathering testimonials from my clients and it is really vulnerable to ask people to share what I've meant to them and then take that in and receive it!

We stick around after a session and I ask them some questions and record their thoughts and then transcribe and edit it down (I get the okay for all this ahead of time). And each experience of this has made me a little fidgety—can I really take all this in?!?—but it's also been so nourishing and powerful! And I've intentionally tried to receive the words they share and not just slough it off. 

And each time, I've had a deep sense that everyone needs more of this!

I've cried a little and laughed a lot and I feel so aware of the magical co-creative, reciprocal exchange that we're doing with others in this life. And I think this is special medicine for those of us who struggle with receiving.  

So, I have a hunch that asking for a "testimonial" could be a sacred ritual in so many arenas, not just work. What do you think? Would you consider giving this a try with a friend or loved one? Or if you run a small business and you've resisted gathering testimonials, could you try this with your clients? (I've been really thinking about centering friendships and I wanna try this with my friends! Or if you wanna try it with family members, you could come from the perspective of why your soul chose your specific sister, etc)

I think defining a container for it helps honor the giving and receiving that's happening. So if you wanna give it a shot, here's what you can do:
1. Ask someone ahead of time if they will give you a "friend testimonial" or a "loved one testimonial" or "client testimonial" and ask if you can record it and make sure they're up for that. Side note: You might be tempted to just turn around and give them a testimonial in return. But I suggest planning that for another day so you each get to really bask/soak up the love. 
2. Have your questions ready. Here are the questions I asked, thanks to business coach Simone Seol:

• Why did you want to work/friend/partner with me? What about me drew you to me?

• What were some of your biggest concerns and worries about working/friending/partnering with me, if any, before we started? (It's so fun to hear the journey they've gone on from initial fears to where they are now!)

• What has been a favorite part of doing this work/friendship/partnership?

• What was a big transformation you got from our work/friendship/partnership? (And, if relevant: how did that impact different areas of your life?)

• What surprised you the most about working/friending/partnering with me?

• If relevant, who would you recommend me to?

Yes, these questions were intended for client testimonials, but I really like thinking about asking these questions in terms of friendship/partnership/loved ones, too! And this entire conversation can be short—ten to fifteen minutes. Or if you both get into it and have the time, it can definitely go longer!
3. Record the conversation so you can return to it and extra points if you wanna transcribe it and then edit/distill it down into a paragraph or so (I think this really helps us to receive/take it in). And keep this somewhere where you can re-listen to it, re-read it, etc. 
4. Your task is purely to ask the questions and receive the love and encouragement. And then see if you can hold it within, let it nourish you, and not just slough it off. 

Thoughts? Will you let me know if you try this? 

With care,
Brianna

P.S. And if you wanna read a couple of my collected testimonials, here they are. Gah! My bucket is so full! 

"I sometimes fear being judged and I was a little nervous about that with coaching and I wondered if Brianna would be too 'cool' for me. But Brianna’s approach is kind, relatable, and non-judgmental—she’s multi-faceted and comfortable with herself, which allowed me to be more comfortable with myself and all my facets, too. Whatever the topic, Brianna’s close listening and insightful questions either lead me deeper into whatever it is I'm looking at or give me a complete about-face. Most recently, Brianna helped me see that I am, in a sense, the “CEO” of my own health journey and not a victim of my healthcare providers, which was a giant turnaround for me and has helped me have a completely different attitude about my health and my doctors. I am feeling comfortable asking questions, sometimes demanding answers, and I just feel completely different in my approach to my own body and health.” —Rosemoon M.

“I considered many editors for my book. It was not a choice I took lightly, but after interviewing several other editors, it became clear that Brianna is quite simply a magic human—one who can do her job so efficiently and deliver above and beyond her clients' expectations. I'm SO glad I chose her. Not only did she work quickly (which helped me stay on track with the project) but her edits were truly thoughtful, tailored to my voice as an author, and crafted specifically to strengthen the message I'm sharing in my book. To say she made my work stronger would be a ridiculous understatement. Brianna lifted the potential of my book so that it truly has the potential to make a mark in the world.” —Kelly L.

"When I first signed up for coaching, I wondered if I was too type A, too "go-go-go" and project-manager-minded for it to really be effective. What I found is that Brianna has such a gentle and insightful process that I could bring anything to the session, including the “go-go-go” part of me. Brianna excavates but doesn’t use heavy machinery. She helped me look at what's under the rug in all kinds of different contexts and created a space where I was comfortable to go there, to look it in the face, and to work through the limiting beliefs and the sticky emotions with courage and compassion. I’m braver in my life (and made a huge, life-giving career change!) because I've been brave enough to stand with this stuff in session with Brianna." —Steph K.

Photo by Katya Ross.

speed dating

Have you ever done a speed dating event? 

I just went to my first one, and it was so awkward but also fun! Funkward? Awkfun?

I was drawn to the idea of meeting people in real life and having just a few minutes to chat and to see if anything sticks.

We moved around these little tables and everyone had a piece of paper to jot down their notes and to mark if there was anyone they were interested in meeting again. And then if both people marked yes, the organizers of the event would put you in touch with one another. 

Yes to the humbling and humanizing process of talking to strangers and fumbling about and hitting dead ends and long pauses! 

And it didn't disappoint. 

I didn't have any matches, but I really enjoyed myself and my willingness to step into the mix, to be an awkward human out and about with other (awkward) humans, and I wanna go to another one. I’ve heard speed dating events are becoming more popular? If you’re interested in trying it, I just googled my city + speed dating and found some near me.

Anyway, I really like working with this energy in the rest of my life, too—it's basically curiosity plus a willingness to try things. And I think it's so healing, especially for those of us who lean toward planning/perfecting/fear of failure. 

What do you think? Is there a place in your life where saying yes to “awkfun” would be life giving?

Are you being invited to just step into the mix somewhere? I'd love to hear about it. And if you want help working with this energy, I'm here.

With care,
Brianna

Photo by @wocintechchat