fearing that you won’t be able to take care of yourself
Photo by @andrew_hall
A while ago, I was looking in a book for some lines I needed to hear again and had forgotten. And in the age of instant internet searches, I find that I am a lot more impatient with slowly flipping and scanning and flipping and scanning.
I could have sworn I had underlined the words, but I still couldn't find it and I gave up.
Last night I happened to pick up that book again and happened to read the page with the lines and it made me so happy but it also didn't seem nearly as mind-blowing. Ha. Just simple and true.
Here it is, from Mellody Beattie’s The Language of Letting Go: "We can let go of our past and trust ourselves now. We do not have to punish ourselves with our past. We don’t need a rule book, a microscope, a warranty. All we really need is a mirror. We can look into the mirror and say ‘I trust you. No matter what happens, you can take care of yourself.’"
And I had underlined it. Apparently this is a simple (but not easy) truth that my heart both knows and sometimes forgets and sometimes hides and sometimes finds.
And if you are recovering from people-pleasing and codependence, this fear that we won’t be able to take care of ourselves (in a variety of ways) goes bone deep.
I think it’s what makes us try to hand our lives over to someone else, to make another person our Source in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. It’s what makes us feel like we’ll only be okay if our loved one is okay. But this is actually a terrifying way to live because our sense of self and our value and power are then dependent on another human.
The healing process requires that we end this outsourcing (and there may be some grieving over how much we’ve given away) and begin to have our own back and own our own power and value and protect ourselves and take care of our needs and wants. That’s why I loved these simple words so much. I loved the promise they held, that we can say to ourselves (and begin to believe it): I trust you. No matter what happens, you can take care of yourself.
Sending love your way,
Brianna
P.S. Wanna practice this kind of self-trust? I'm here for it. And a simple filter for when to ask for help and when to say no (without the guilt or resentment)