struggles

So many of us feel as if we should be struggling less. I hear my coaching clients talk about this, and I've so been there too! 

We think....

But I am in recovery! Or I have therapeutic tools and know better! Or I have a spiritual or mindfulness practice! Or I've read all the books! Therefore, I should be happier and "handling things."

I've definitely fallen into this trap, quickly followed by thinking that I'm doing something wrong. Or, even worse, that I am wrong. 

And by the way, so many corners of culture, immature religion, and the self-help industry perpetuate this idea—so we come by it very naturally. 

One of my spiritual teachers Cynthia Bourgeault teaches about this concept and the difference between mechanical suffering, what she calls "squeezing the cactus," and conscious suffering. She says that struggle and suffering are built into the human experience, and our work isn't to try and eradicate this but to work with it consciously by reducing the amount of mechanical and reactionary suffering—i.e., our old, stale ways of reacting and defending. 

I find this so liberating! I find such relief in normalizing all the struggle and ups and downs of being human. 

What does this look like, practically speaking?

For me, it goes something like this (with help from Mary Mrozowski’s welcome practice): 

When you are suffering or struggling (this can look like any kind of upset—feeling lonely, having racing thoughts, comparing, feeling sad or angry, etc), check and see if you're also adding a layer of shame to it. Are you adding some thoughts like I shouldn't be struggling, or why can't I handle this more skillfully, etc?

If so, can you locate the struggle in your body as sensation? Once you've found it, can you sink into the sensation and remind yourself that part of being human is to struggle?

Sometimes just this "allowing" and connecting with your body shifts the energy right away. Other times, it's a slow softening that you might gradually notice. We get to be human. We allow. The shame/judgement lightens and the softness increases.

This is powerful alchemy. This is taking responsibility for and stewarding our energetic states. And it's not about personal improvement projects—our conscious work has a larger impact that radiates out. 

What do you think? Do you find relief in normalizing the struggle? 

With care,
Brianna