release possessiveness

When I was going through my divorce process I had a really difficult time getting clear on and saying what I wanted because I was so used to enmeshing with others and I was scared...of a lot of things, but probably top of the list was a fear of causing even more conflict. 

I asked a wise friend to speak to this dynamic and the deeper energy behind it and she said I needed to release possessiveness so that I could freely, fully share. 

This really struck me. I'd never through of my silence and conflict-avoidance as a kind of possessiveness, but it resonated. She explained that sometimes it's almost like we're hoarding our voice and our thoughts because we think this will keep us safe.  (By the way, I think this pattern shows up in our creative work as well.)

Thinking of my conflict-avoidance and silence as a form of misguided possessiveness really helped me approach this dynamic in a new way, and I held this phrase as a kind of prayer during that time: 

Please help me to release possessiveness and freely, fully share. 

I also imagined my throat unblocking. And ultimately it did. I got clear and spoke up on what I wanted. And that's when the divorce process was finally able to really flow. 

What do you think? Have you struggled with owning and expressing your own reality, too? This is a core area of focus in my coaching, and I'm here if you want to explore this more. 

With care,
Brianna

photo by @nicholasng210