difficulty owning and expressing your reality?

Did you know that you can own and express your own reality?

Maybe this seems ridiculously obvious, but for me and so many of the clients I've worked with, it can be a challenge in our closer relationships.

I've been studying Pia Mellody's model for codependence, and she says that one of the five core symptoms of codependence is difficulty owning and expressing our reality. 

An important part of codependence recovery is learning that we can own our reality...and let other people own theirs too!

Wait, what?!

My kids can have their own wildly different thoughts about something and I can have mine!?  (By the way, this doesn't mean we aren't accountable for the impact our reality might have on others.)

I've suffered from a lot of gaslighting, which makes it hard to trust my own reality.

And I often used to confuse agreement for intimacy.

Together, this made it difficult for me to realize that I even had my own distinct reality (and that others do, too), let alone claim it and express it as mine. 

When we don't own our reality, it's hard to show up fully and be fully know—we're like fuzzy blobs.

And it's hard to take responsibility for ourselves when we don't know where we end and others begin. 

So. 

Owning and expressing our reality. 

If you struggle with people-pleasing, fawning, or not trusting yourself, baby steps. 

Try noticing your own reality—your thoughts, feelings, body sensations, behaviors. 

Try noticing when your reality is different from a friend or loved one.  

And then try expressing it, and no need to argue or explain. Just a Huh, I feel/think/act differently about that is a great place to start.

What do you think? I wanna hear about your reality! 

With care, 
Brianna